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What Changed When I Stopped Trying to Be Disciplined

“I’m just not a morning person.”
“I’m bad at consistency.”
“I’m not a reader.”

These statements feel harmless. Honest, even. But, they quietly lock you into an identity that keeps your behavior stagnant.

The problem isn’t that you don’t want better habits.
The problem is that you’re trying to latch onto change instead of leveraging your environment to almost guarantee it.

Why Self-Labels Backfire

When you label yourself, you turn a behavior into a personality trait. And personality traits feel permanent.

I’ve been incredibly guilty of this. Growing up, I would personify my failures. For instance, I prided myself on being an “overachiever” (ppft) and every time I failed in the tiniest way, my confidence would suffer greatly. Didn’t get that A? “I must not be as smart as I thought.” Can’t wake up before 8am. “I must not be a morning person.” Didn’t get the job? “I must not be good enough for it.”

The reality. Didn’t get an A? “I need to work harder to review what I didn’t understand. I’ll do better next time.” Can’t get up any earlier? “I need to go to bed before 2am to set myself up for success.” Didn’t get the job? “Let’s find out why. I’ll send the recruiter an email thanking the team for their time while asking what I could have done better, if anything (because let’s be real…sometimes, rejection is plain old protection)!”

If you tell yourself:

If you tell yourself:

Once behavior becomes identity, your brain defends it. You stop asking “How could I make this easier?” and start saying “That’s just not me.”

That’s where growth goes around back to wither and die.

Behavior Follows Systems, Not Motivation

This idea sits at the heart of Atomic Habits by James Clear: you don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. Goals are about what you want to achieve. Systems are about what you do every day. And daily behavior, not ambition, is what actually shapes outcomes.

Motivation feels powerful, but it’s unreliable. It rises and falls with mood, stress, sleep, hormones, and life circumstances. When behavior depends on motivation, progress becomes inconsistent and fragile. Systems remove the need to feel “ready” by making the desired behavior the default.

A system is simply the structure that makes certain behaviors easier and others, more difficult. It includes your environment, routines, tools, and rules—often invisible, but always influential. When systems are aligned with your goals, good behavior happens even on low-energy days. When they aren’t, even strong motivation eventually burns out.

At its core, this principle rests on a few key tenets:

Let’s make this practical.

Want to Drink More Water?
Don’t “Become Someone Who Hydrates”

Change the environment.

Instead of repeating “I need to drink more water,” do this:

Now hydration isn’t a decision. It’s frictionless.
You drink water because it’s already there, not because you’re suddenly disciplined.

You didn’t change who you are. You changed how convenient it is to access water.

Want to Read More? Less Talky, More Mini Hacking

People love to say “I’m trying to read more,” but nothing in their routine supports that claim.

A system looks like:

Not “when I feel like it.”
Not “when I have time.”

One chapter is small enough to be non-negotiable. Over time, reading becomes something you do, not something you announce to the world you’d like to do. I commit to reading a chapter before bed every night. I don’t care if I have to read it on my phone. And bonus: fantasy books make for incredible dreams~

Want to Stop Eating Junk? Remove the Option

This one absolutely sucks, but willpower is weakest in your kitchen or when you’re hungry buying groceries.

Instead of saying “I’m cutting back on snacks,” try this:

Now, you’ve created friction. Most cravings aren’t strong enough to survive inconvenience. Though, not even gonna lie. There’s this banana pudding shake that Savvy Sliders makes and when I’m having a draining and crazy long work week, I will literally put on a ski suit and trek through the snow to my car, warm it up, and drive across town to enjoy it.

Now, if I’m willing to do that (and it’s rare) in the middle of winter, the shake is fair game. That’s just how this works.

You didn’t become “disciplined.”
You’ve just readjusted access to make bad habits less likely.

Want to Work Out More? Tie It to Something Important

Morning workouts fail at night, not in the morning. Evening workouts often fail in that period after shutting down your computer (or leaving work) and dinner.

For morning workouts:

For evening workouts:

Let the ‘past you’ take care of the ‘very near future you.’ I act like my own big sister all the time and I can’t even tell you how many days my knees have buckled in thanks because ‘past me’ already had whatever I needed covered. Just make sure you rest. After all, rest is not a luxury, it is a necessity. And don’t forget, tie what you want to do to what you have to do.

Dating?: Change the Environment. Change the Odds

This is a subject that is a bit more touch and go, but if you’re single and open to being in a relationship and it just has not been a priority, there are simple ways to increase your odds. Not by forcing anything, but by quietly setting yourself up to cross paths with like-minded people more often.

Dating outcomes tend to reflect exposure, not effort. If your routines rarely put you in front of new people, nothing is wrong. The environment just isn’t doing much work for you. Small shifts in where you spend time and how you structure your week can change who you naturally meet without turning dating into a project.

Here is a simple system that increases your odds without lowering your standards:

This is all very much easier said than done, but when done, these tips do get the job done. And this is also why I stay curled up inside, haha~ But no, seriously, changing your environment and focusing more on proactively taking part in activities that light you up will increase the likelihood you’ll cross paths with some amazing kin-folk. Give it a try~

Labels Feel Good. Systems Work

Saying “I’m a healthy person” feels empowering.
Building a fridge, pantry, schedule, and environment that forces healthier choices actually changes your life.

This is why people get stuck in identity talk:

But, what does that even mean? Okay, you’re a “reader,” but what do you like to read? Fantasy, fiction, non-Fiction, comic books, newspapers, street signs? You’re “consistent”? Consistently lazy or…? You’re “disciplined,” eh? People can.be real disciplined in their deeply rooted selfishness.

My point? Be specific and be relentless when it comes to building systems in order to achieve your goals instead of focusing on labels.

Also, expect bouts of failure. There will be days when that banana pudding shake wins and that’s okay because they’ll be more days when you open the fridge, stare at the healthy (pricey) food before you, and you’ll let the ease of access go on ahead and win.

Real change happens when you stop trying to be something and start making certain behaviors unavoidable.

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