Women have all, but mastered intuition, endurance, and emotional fluency, but when it comes to love, even the most self-aware among us can lose all sense of logic. We rationalize, overgive, and “maybe he just…” our way into emotional dead ends, often mistaking struggle for loyalty and confusion for depth.
So, in the spirit of balance (and a little sisterly truth-telling), let’s unpack some of the most illogical logic women use in relationships. Not to judge, but to evolve. Because real self-love isn’t only bubble baths and journaling. You have to sprinkle in learning when to stop defending behavior that disrespects and keeps you stuck in the same cycles with the same person in different bodies.
1. “Marriage doesn’t really make a difference anymore.”
Actually, it does.
It’s not about whether he can leave you. It’s about how difficult it is for him to do so and what he must invest upfront to even get there. It takes maybe an hour of passion to make a baby (if you’re real lucky), and after that, you get to carry every subsequent consequence: your body changes, your time shifts, your risks multiply. But marriage? That requires commitment, resources, planning, and intention.
He must be able to buy a ring, secure housing (yes, this still matters, as your family deserves stability), build trust with your loved ones, ask for your hand, and legally, socially, and financially bind himself to you. Marriage doesn’t make him immune to foolishness, but it raises the cost of carelessness. It means he has something tangible to lose if he does decide to act reckless.
Marriage doesn’t protect you from heartbreak, but it does protect you from being left holding the entire burden of someone else’s fickleness and lack of accountability.
2. “Maybe he’ll recognize that I’m “the one” someday.”
Nah, sis. He won’t. And if he ever does, you should be long gone.
Men rarely overlook the woman they truly want. They know early on whether they see you as a partner or a placeholder and they act accordingly. When a man says he’s “not ready,” he’s not talking about timing, he’s talking about you.
People can grow, yes. But, waiting for him to mature into the man who suddenly “sees your worth” is like standing in the rain waiting for the weather to apologize for getting you wet. Get your head out the gutter.
If it’s meant to align later, it will, but not because you stood there sulking like Stella the shitzu puppy on standby. Growth is personal, not performative. Stop waiting for him to realize what he already knows: he’s just not that interested/invested.
3. “She’s the problem, not my man.”
If he cheated, the betrayal is coming from him. You don’t know what he told her, how he positioned his relationship, or what lies he spun. But, what you do know is he made a commitment to you and he’s the one who decided to break it.
If you stay, do it with open eyes. But, understand…a man who cheats once has shown you how little he values you. Staying isn’t an act of loyalty. You’re scared to start over and you’re equally terrified that your effort and investment will go to another woman. Trust me. She’d be doing you a serious favor because you lose them how you get them. Besides, you can’t build peace in a place where your spirit is constantly questioning its worth. Let it (and him) go. On that note…
4. “He only cheated once. It was an accident.”
Please explain to me how a private body part covered by two or sometimes three layers of clothing can accidentally find itself moving in sync with another’s(private body part)? Be so serious. Accidents don’t unzip, undress, and coordinate.
Older generations tolerated infidelity because their survival depended on stability. Their husbands were providers, and silence was the price of security. But you? You have options.
Always have “F You” money and the courage to use it. Don’t stay for optics, comfort, or fear of starting over. Staying in a relationship that erodes your self-worth teaches everyone around you, including your children, that love equals suffering. It doesn’t.
5. “I don’t need to ask his status—it’ll kill the vibe.”
No, what kills the vibe is an STD test that changes your life.
You’re not ruining the vibe by asking questions. You’re setting the standard. The right man won’t mind waiting. He’ll want you relaxed, not guessing, because when trust and tension finally meet, it’s game over…in the best way.
If he’s offended by a conversation about exclusivity or protection, he’s not emotionally or physically safe for you. Sex is an energy exchange, not a handshake. And in a world where people hide partners, diseases, and intentions, you can’t afford to be naïve.
6. “I can’t stand her. She gets too much attention.”
If another woman’s beauty, success, or confidence threatens you, it’s not because she’s doing too much. It’s because you believe yourself to be doing too little. The women who trigger you often mirror the parts of yourself you’ve neglected.
When you catch yourself comparing your anything to someone else’s, pause and ask, What about her makes me uncomfortable? Nine times out of ten, the answer points to something you need to heal or develop within yourself.
And if your man seems interested in her? Thank her for exposing him. A secure man won’t make you compete for his attention. The right partner will make it nearly impossible to question where you stand.
7. “I’m not chasing him. I’m taking control of my life.”
There’s a difference between being open and being overzealous. Showing interest is fine. But calling, texting, planning, and over-functioning to get a man’s attention? Yeah, no. And here’s the thing: if/when you finally do get him, you’ll realize you’ll continue to do most of the work to keep the connection, if you can even call it that, going.
The most you should ever do is make yourself known (aka drop the proverbial handkerchief). After that, let him pick it up or keep waking on by. If a man truly wants you, he will pursue with clarity and consistency. If he doesn’t, that silence is your answer.
8. “I’m the mother of his child, therefore I get to run his life.”
Unfortunately, a man can have ten baby mothers and never commit to a single one. Some men even aim for that, for reasons ranging from financial control to insecurity to hiding their true preferences. Having his child doesn’t give you claim over his love life. It gives you shared responsibility for a human being: nothing more.
You can be “the one” today and “the one he doesn’t mess with” tomorrow. Your motherhood earns you respect, not ownership. And that’s why upfront investment matters. Marriage isn’t about being chosen for romance, but being chosen with intention and backed by receipts.
When you prioritize titles like “mother of his child” over legal and emotional commitment, you put yourself in a position where his choices dictate your life. And for some, it’s all because you didn’t want to “scare him off” by asking for more. But that’s exactly what standards are for—to filter out the ones who need to go. Remember, the right man won’t be intimidated by your expectations; he’ll be relieved you have them.
9. “He left to find something better, but he came back to me so…”
If a man ever leaves you thinking there’s better out there, let him. When he tries to circle back, grab the key to your heart with his name on it, lock it up, and throw that mess down a well.
The act of leaving you to “find better” should give you the ick until your very last breath. A man who abandons you for an illusion will always chase shiny objects. He’s not looking for love, he’s looking for novelty and validation.
Never allow someone back into your life after being willing to disrespect you that deeply. Once someone chooses to devalue you, believe them. You deserve someone who wakes up and chooses you every day—not someone who had to lose you to learn your worth.
10. “At least I’ve got a man…”
Don’t fall for this trap. Having a man, any man, is not better than being single.
I can tell you from experience: I’ve dated and been with men who tried to control, change, humble, and/or manipulate me—men who were hiding who they truly were, and yes, a few who were incredibly kind, but not aligned.
In the time I’ve spent single, I’ve traveled the world, started new businesses, found my tribe, learned how to invest, and deepened my relationship with myself. I nourish my mind and body, enforce boundaries, and go to sleep in peace every night. My only “worry” is whether my pup wants to go for another walk.
Wholeness comes from within, not from who’s beside you. Find fulfillment in yourself first, then share it with someone who’s done the same. F struggle love. You don’t have to dim your light to keep someone else warm.
Final Thoughts
This new era of womanhood is about alignment, not attachment. It’s about raising your standards so high that only peace, reciprocity, and emotional maturity can reach them. You no longer chase love that drains you, but attract love that fills you up.
When you start living like you are the table, you stop begging for seats at ones that wobble under the weight of your worth. Build (or contract someone else to build) your own table, set the tone, and only make room for the type of love that brings you peace, growth, and honors the woman you’re becoming~
Lence in Layers 