Let’s be fair: women have their foolish moments too.
We’ve got our “girl math,” our “I can change him,” and our “he’ll grow into the man I see in my head” tendencies. We’ve all been there, rationalizing chaos in the name of love. But, that roast is coming later because today we’re unpacking the mental gymnastics some men perform when they actually like someone.
It’s fascinating, really. Men who can lead teams, build computers and/or cars, and fine tune careers somehow short-circuit the moment genuine emotion enters the room. They’ll say, “I really like her,” and then make choices that guarantee she walks away.
So, in the spirit of public service (and maybe a little humor), let’s break down the greatest hits from the Dumbest Male Logic Hall of Fame, inspired by real women’s experiences.
1. “I want peace, but I only date chaos.”
Him: “I’m done with drama.”
Also him: Loses interest, panics, or gets suspicious the minute he meets someone emotionally stable.
He says he wants peace, but he keeps chasing what’s familiar (i.e., conflict, unpredictability, emotional highs and lows). He’s used to being on the defensive, having to read between the lines, or trying not to upset her to the point of risking public embarrassment.
Some men make it worse by keeping a “friends with benefits” or pick me side piece around, someone who’s been there for years and acts as a comfort blanket when effort feels too demanding.
He knows it’s going nowhere. She doesn’t. She’s holding on, pretending not to care, quietly hoping he’ll wake up one day and choose her. But, he won’t. Deep down, he can’t respect what comes too easy. He doesn’t want to be alone, but he also doesn’t want her. And that’s the quiet cruelty of choosing chaos.
2. “I like her, so I’ll ignore her.”
Him (thinking): “I’ve never met anyone like her.”
Also him: “I’ll act like she doesn’t exist to stand out”
This is the emotional version of closing your eyes during a scary movie, pretending you’re in control while missing the entire plot. He’ll delay texts, give half-hearted responses, and stay distant, believing that withholding attention creates mystery and desire. It doesn’t. It communicates disinterest.
Women aren’t mind readers. If she can’t tell you care, she’ll assume you don’t. And by the time you realize your “cool guy” act backfired, she’s moved on to someone who actually means what he says and wasn’t afraid to say (and show) it in the first place.
3. “I’m not ready for a relationship… but don’t you DARE talk to anyone else.”
Him: “I’m focusing on myself right now.”
Also him: “But, I’ll text you every day, call you ‘baby,’ and act hurt if you talk to or date other guys.”
He wants exclusivity without accountability, a relationship with all the benefits and none of the labels or expectations. It’s the romantic equivalent of saving a parking spot he intends to use only if he’s in that neck of the woods, but doesn’t want anyone else to have access to it.
When you call him out, he’ll claim he’s just “being honest” about where he’s at. But, the truth is he’s noncommittal and wants to keep you the way a dog keeps a basket of chew toys, only interested when someone else picks one up. It’s not care, concern, or love. It’s possession.
4. “If she really liked me, she’d chase me.”
Him: “I want a confident woman who knows what she wants.”
Also him: Sulks when that same woman doesn’t chase him after he goes silent.
This line of thinking (if you can even call it that) reveals a fundamental confusion between chasing and pursuing. Chasing is rooted in insecurity. It’s trying to prove your worth to someone who hasn’t chosen you. Pursuing, on the other hand, is confidence-driven. It’s about moving with intention toward someone you actually want to get to know without attachment to the outcome.
The crazy thing is, if I were a man, I’d love to pursue. I’d run laps around most modern men because this whole courting thing? It’s not hard. Then again, I’m financially stable, confident, and don’t really care about being rejected. That’s the difference. When you know who you are, pursuit isn’t threatening, it’s exciting. It’s thinking, I can be in a cabana on an island halfway across the world with a masterpiece of a person by my side and all I have to do is try? Okay, bet.
A woman worth pursuing isn’t looking for a man to chase her. She’s waiting for one to move with clarity of intention. Pursuit requires emotional intelligence and self-assurance. And the men who can’t tell the difference are the same ones confusing showing effort with a humiliation ritual.
5. “I’ll feel around to see if anyone is into me before I end it with who I’m with.” (Monkey-branching)
Him (thinking): “I’m not happy with who I’m with, but I don’t want to be alone.”
Also him: Flirts with other women to “test the waters” before breaking up.
This behavior has a name: monkey-branching, or swinging from one person to the next without ever letting go before the next “branch” is secured. Rather than reflect or heal, he lines up replacements to ensure he never has to face himself. It’s not just about emotional reassurance, either. It’s about maintaining access to intimacy, validation, shared bills (for some), and/or the comfort of knowing someone’s always waiting.
He thinks he’s being clever, but it’s really cowardice. He avoids responsibility for ending things honestly, all while ensuring the next connection is built on deceit. You couldn’t pay me to rack up that type of karma. Because until he learns to stand alone, heal, and figure out what he wants, every relationship he touches will be built on sand.
6. “I’m gonna stalk her social media because it’s safer than approaching her and potentially getting my feelings hurt.”
Him (thinking): “I just want to see what she’s up to.”
Also him: Spends months watching her stories like a digital ghost, waiting for a “sign” she’s approachable.
From a woman’s perspective, this is a “thank you for self-eliminating, sir” situation. Life is infinitely more difficult than the risk of rejection. No woman wants to put her time, body, or future in the hands of a man too afraid to go after what he wants. It’s deeply unattractive and shows emotional immaturity.
These are the type of men who end up settling for women who chase them—women who make it clear they want him before he has to lift a finger. If he can’t guarantee the outcome, he won’t take the risk. As a result, his relationships aren’t built on choice or intention; they’re built on convenience. It’s like accepting only the fish that wash up on shore because you’re too lazy to pick up a fishing pole. He’s passive, waiting to be chosen instead of choosing and that’s nothing to be proud of.
7. “I’m gonna see what the boys think of her.”
Him (thinking): “I really like her, but I want to get my boys’ opinion first.”
Also him: Hands his potential relationship to a group chat that can’t manage their own relationships.
People can love you and still not want you to do better than them. I’ve heard countless stories of men who lost something real because a friend clowned the woman out of jealousy, or worse, tried to get at her behind his back.
When you let your friends decide who’s worthy of your affection, you show you’re insecure, can’t think for himself, nor trust your own discernment. Seeking validation from the crew doesn’t make you loyal, it makes you indecisive and uncertain. Often, it costs you women who’d like you for you.
8. “I’ll invite her on a coffee date to feel her out.”
Him (thinking): “I don’t want to waste money if it doesn’t go anywhere.”
Also him: Chooses the lowest-effort option possible, then wonders why it doesn’t spark anything.
There’s nothing wrong with being intentional, but effort still matters. A lot. The “coffee date” mindset isn’t about discernment; it’s about minimizing cost. It signals minimal seriousness, low maturity, and a lack of discernment.
If finances are a concern, focus on the bag, not dating. Women aren’t there to subsidize your life or validate half-hearted energy. If you’re not there to impress, you’re trying to finesse. Period.
And for women who think this approach is “smart” or low-pressure for you—no. It’s signaling that your standards are low and once a man picks up on that, they tend to stay low. Coffee is for business and networking. It’s not for building a future. Stop letting men treat intentional dating like a coupon experiment.
9. “I’m gonna back pocket women—past situationships, exes, my work wife—just in case this doesn’t work out.”
Him (thinking): “I’m just keeping my options open.”
Also him: Creates a backup roster, then wonders why his main connection never deepens.
This logic guarantees failure before it begins. You can’t build something real while keeping one foot in the door and the other in a group chat full of “just in case” women. It’s emotional hoarding.
Even if women don’t consciously realize it, they can feel when other women are still emotionally or energetically attached to you. It shows up in your tone, your availability (or lack there of), your insistence on keeping everything “super private” aka I don’t want to offend by backup options, and your hesitation to fully connect. She may not be able to name it, but she sure senses it.
Keeping backup women isn’t smart strategy. The irony is that by holding on to safety nets, he ensures he’ll never experience the depth of connection he claims to want. You can’t build something lasting when your loyalty is on layaway.
10. “I’m assuming all women are like the ex who broke my heart.”
Him (thinking): “I’ve been hurt before, so I’m cautious now.”
Also him: Treats every new woman like she’s on trial for someone else’s crimes.
This is one of the most self-sabotaging mindsets there is. He’s not being “careful,” he’s being the emotional equivalent of Fort Knox, projecting pain instead of pausing to process it. He does this while assuming that the next woman will disappoint him the same way the last one did. He’ll say he wants something real, but only lets people close enough to prove his suspicions right.
And to make matters worse, he expects a new woman to heal him and prove she’s different by being endlessly patient, understanding, and self-sacrificing. However, healing is never someone else’s job. Men and women are not monoliths. You can’t predict how someone will love, react, or show up based on your last heartbreak. Patterns can teach you, but paranoia can imprison you.
Final Thoughts
Love doesn’t require perfection, but it does require some sense. Many of these so-called “logic-driven frameworks” are really fear responses disguised as strategy. Some men fear vulnerability; some women fear being undervalued. Both end up building emotional armor so strong that it keeps out the very intimacy they crave.
If you see yourself in any of these examples, no one is here to shame you. Growth begins with realizing that withholding, testing, or pretending doesn’t protect you from heartbreak. It only guarantees the outcome you fear most….only more slowly.
And don’t worry, ladies. Our own roast is coming up shortly because if we’re going to call out men for their emotional acrobatics, we might as well admit we’ve perfected our very own versions of foolishness. Stay tuned~
Lence in Layers 