Here’s a little secret: you don’t have to wait for someone else to prove you’re worth flowers, fine dinners, and Friday night plans. You can skip that line of thinking entirely and become your own hot date. After all, how will you ever truly know what you enjoy if you never make time to enjoy yourself?
That’s where solo dating comes in, not as a consolation prize, but as an act of self-respect. Choosing to take yourself out is a radical refusal to delay joy, pleasure, or peace while waiting for someone else to make life feel special. Still, it isn’t always easy. Especially, as a woman of color. It’s common to feel self-conscious about dining alone or taking up space without companionship. Society has conditioned us to believe that being seen alone means being lonely and unworthy.
But that is a bold-faced lie.
Why We Feel Awkward Doing Things Alone
From childhood, we’re conditioned to pair up, be polite and accommodating, and to celebrate only in the company of others. Women, in particular, are often taught that their presence is most acceptable when anchored. That conditioning makes solitude in public feel almost transgressive, as if being seen alone signals a lack rather than a choice. So, when you sit alone at a café or walk into a museum solo, a small, invasive voice might interject to whisper: “Don’t do it. They’ll think you’re pitiful and weird.”
But, here’s the twist: the etymology of the word weird, or wyrd, means “fate” or “destiny.” So, if being seen alone makes you “weird”, then wear it proudly. It means you’re walking in your destiny, not waiting for permission to claim it.
Also, most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to care. And if they do care? That says more about their discomfort than your worth. Very respectfully, eff ’em.
Tips for Dating Yourself With Confidence
Whether you’re in the Detroit Metro Area or anywhere else, these tips can help you turn solo outings into beautiful, grounding rituals:
1. Romanticize the Moment (Even If It’s Just Brunch)
Choose your outfit like it’s a date. Pick a playlist for the drive. Bring your favorite book or journal. Pour into yourself the way you’d pour into someone you love.
📍 Detroit Rec: Brunch solo at Le Petit Dejeuner or Ivy Kitchen + Cocktails: great vibes, welcoming staff, and perfect for savoring your meal in peace.
2. Start Small, Then Go Bigger
If the idea of a solo dinner feels too intimidating, start with a coffee shop, bookstore, or art gallery. Let your comfort grow over time. There’s no pressure to dive into the deep end, which is funny for me to say because I’ll go anywhere alone in a heart beat.
📍 Detroit Rec: Take yourself to Pages Bookshop in Grandmont Rosedale or stroll through the Detroit Institute of Arts. It’s free for Wayne County residents. You just need to present your ID.
3. Make a Solo Date Bucket List
From rooftop bars to garden strolls, map out places you’ve always wanted to go, get cute, and just go! Make a seasonal list and treat it like a challenge.
📍 Detroit Rec: Add The Monarch Club rooftop bar (my fav!), Belle Isle Conservatory, and SheWolf for a solo fine dining experience.
4. Curate Your Vibe
Make a photo diary. Share your experience on social media (if you want). Or don’t. The point is: these solo moments are yours.
📍 Detroit Rec: Take a solo photo walk through Eastern Market murals or explore downtown Royal Oak’s boutiques and plant shops.
Things to Remember If You Feel Embarrassed
- You’re not a sad, sad, situation (in the words of Elton John). You’re adventurous.
- Alone doesn’t mean lonely nor does it mean unloved.
- Every relationship in your life will reflect how you treat yourself. So treat yo’ self~
Final Thoughts
Solo dating isn’t about flaunting your independence. Whether you’re with your partner, friends, other loved ones or you’re single and someone joins you later on in your journey (or not), it’s about honoring your wholeness. In a city like Detroit, with so much culture, creativity, and community, you deserve to explore it on your own terms and with reckless solo abandon–the perks of which are you having complete control over the day or night’s agenda.
So, go ahead: book that table with the best view, take that scenic drive, walk the trail with bear spray and a large stick. Not because you’re missing out on anything, but because you deserve the space to discover what it truly means to enjoy your own company.
Lence in Layers 