I’m loving, kind, honest (perhaps a little too much so), and empathetic. These are qualities I pride myself on. But, all too often, people mistake these qualities for naivety or think they can manipulate me. What they fail to realize is that my superpower is knowing exactly when to remove myself. The moment I pick up on any disrespect, lack of effort, mind games, lack of reciprocity, being taken for granted, or being overlooked, I’m out. No hesitation.
It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that I care too much about my peace, my self-worth, and my time. And I’ve learned that, when it comes to relationships, if you don’t protect those things, no one else will.
Tolerating Poor Behavior: A Recipe for More Disrespect
We all want love, respect, and kindness in our relationships. But, here’s the sobering reality: what you accept from others, particularly from those closest to you, is what you will continue to get. If you tolerate poor behavior, you’re simply inviting more of it. You teach people how to treat you.
“Having a Bad Day” Is Never An Excuse
We’ve all heard it: your partner snaps at you, acts dismissive, or gets rude, and you’re told it’s just because they’re “having a bad day.” You’re supposed to excuse it because they’re stressed, right? *Red buzzer* No, because that’s never an excuse.
We all have tough days, but people who care about you and respect you don’t take their frustrations out on you. Just like when someone hides a hurtful comment in a “joke,” it still reveals their true feelings. When people are under pressure, their real nature shows and how they treat you in those moments is how they really feel. Pay attention. It’s not just about the bad day; it’s about their true character under stress.
The Danger of Damage-Gifting
Watch out for damage-gifting. This is a common, but often overlooked pattern: someone mistreats you, but instead of addressing the issue, they prematurely prepare a gift or gesture to “make it all better.” It’s a premeditated permission they give themselves to mistreat you, with the expectation that a gift or apology will cover up their bad behavior.
It’s more common than you think. However, the real gift isn’t a token or an apology, it’s changed behavior. No amount of flowers, jewelry, purses, trips or sweet words can erase disrespect. The only thing that can truly make it better is consistent, respectful actions over time. Don’t fall for the gift trap. Pay attention.
Your Job Isn’t to Coddle Your Partner
Your job isn’t to act as a caretaker for a partner who can’t manage their emotions. You are not your partner’s mother. Your job isn’t to repeatedly forgive someone who doesn’t value you or the relationship. And your job definitely isn’t to sit in silence while they walk all over you.
You’re not here to coddle anyone. You’re here to build a life full of mutual respect, trust, and understanding. If your partner isn’t on the same page, it’s not your job to change them or keep making excuses. Let me repeat: you cannot change people. They will only evolve if (and when) they want to.
Respect Yourself Enough to Walk Away
If your partner can’t respect you or your relationship, that’s actually great news! It means you have the space to find someone. who. will. And if they’re not concerned about losing you? Well, that’s not just a red flag, it a flashing neon sign screaming they’re not the one.
If, after several attempts to communicate how you feel, there’s no real change, walking away is the healthiest choice. Your energy, your time, and your peace are priceless, and they deserve to be protected. And no, it doesn’t make you disloyal or flighty. You’re not bound by outdated expectations. You deserve happiness at every stage of life and despite recent attempts to roll back women’s rights, you are not your female predecessors and you are not stuck—leading me to my next point.
Never, ever forget to have “F you money.” No matter what your partner says or how they try to make you feel guilty, your independence is your power. Having the financial freedom to walk away is not just a safety net, it’s an act of self-love.
The Bottom Line: Respect Yourself
Stop tolerating mistreatment. Stop excusing behavior that doesn’t deserve an excuse. Whether it’s from romantic partners, friends, family, or colleagues, you are worth more than that. You deserve respect, love, and relationships that are rooted in mutual care and respect. And if people can’t give you that? Bye. Because you’ve got better things and better people waiting for you, no matter what the fear-mongering tries to convince you.
Remember, people always have a choice in how they treat you. It’s not about you being unreasonable or lacking empathy. If a simple requirement of respect feels like too much for them, that’s a sign it’s time to walk away. You’re not making anyone treat you poorly. It’s their choice, and if they can’t meet your standards, that’s a clear signal not to risk further engagement.
Lence in Layers 