I’m not the type to always learn things the easy way. Unfortunately, trial and error has been one of my greatest (and most humbling) teachers. Some lessons hit me like a brick. Others were whispered to me in passing by people who’d already been through the fire. And a few? I had to stumble through them more than once before they finally stuck.
These aren’t flashy hacks. They’re quiet shifts, mental notes, wellness habits, boundaries, and perspective changes that helped me move through life with more clarity, confidence, and care. Maybe one of them will save you a hard lesson or two.
1. Ask the “stupid” question.
I’ve learned that it’s far more foolish to remain confused than it is to speak up. If you missed something because you weren’t paying attention, acknowledge it: “Apologies if I missed this, but…” Ask. Always ask, especially when it comes to foundational knowledge. Don’t let fear of looking inexperienced or foolish keep you from gaining the clarity you need. Staying quiet to avoid embarrassment only slows your growth to temporarily save face.
2. Wear natural and breathable fibers.
This one is courtesy of my aunt, an effortlessly chic woman who swears by linen and 100% cotton like her health depends on it. And honestly, it does. Your skin is your largest organ, and it absorbs more than you might think:good and bad. Synthetic materials trap heat, sweat, and bacteria. Natural fibers allow your skin to breathe and respond better to your environment. It’s a simple upgrade that pays off in comfort, hygiene, and long-term skin health.
3. Brush your teeth before your skincare or makeup routine.
I’ll never forget interning at the Detroit City Council building and witnessing one of the clerks urgently call her dermatologist because her skin had reacted terribly to toothpaste runoff. Turns out, she had exfoliated that morning and brushed her teeth afterward. The toothpaste, loaded with irritating ingredients, dripped down freshly sensitized skin and triggered a reaction. Since then, I always brush my teeth first. Create a barrier between your skincare and anything potentially reactive.
4. Stop pretending dairy is your friend.
Let’s be honest: society has inundated us with the idea that milk is the holy grail of calcium. But biologically, after early childhood, most of us don’t have the enzymes to break down cow’s milk properly. If you’re still consuming dairy, be real with yourself. If you’re going to risk it, carry Lactaid, but talk to your doctor first to make sure it doesn’t interfere with any medications. Food sensitivities deserve the same level of attention we give everything else in wellness.
5. Prevention is better than correction.
Do the “high maintenance” things now so you can be low maintenance later. Whether that’s getting a professional facial, staying consistent with actives in your skincare, maintaining your nails (even if they’re short and natural), or booking that deep-tissue massage you’ve been putting off. These habits make all the difference when life calls and you have an hour to show up polished. Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready.
6. “Maybe” usually means no.
Let’s talk clarity. If someone can’t decide on you, whether it’s a job, a date, or a long-term partner, that indecision is an answer, especially when dating. Don’t settle for lukewarm interest. Don’t entertain men who ask you to shrink your standards under the guise of “keeping it real.” F being the cool girl and sticking it out. Someone out there will meet you with clarity and intention. Accept nothing less.
7. Don’t tell yourself no before God or the universe even has a chance to say yes.
This one’s simple: Try. Apply. Submit. Ask. Pitch. You’re not meant to sabotage your own chances by disqualifying yourself too early. Do your best (and keep doing your best) until the breakthrough arrives. (And no, this does not apply to consent in physical relationships. No means no. Always.)
8. Let go of the obsession with how you’re perceived.
When you care too much about what other people think, you become susceptible to manipulation. People can predict and influence your behavior if you’re always chasing validation. There’s a quiet strength in being rooted in your own values, independent of the spotlight.
9. Be very selective about whose opinions you value.
When it comes to love, career moves, or bold life choices, don’t rely too heavily on outside input. Some people, whether consciously or not, will steer you away from your joy—especially, if it’s a level of joy or success they haven’t achieved for themselves. A little logic is good, but your intuition and desire deserve a seat at the table too. Not everything that’s beautiful can be explained.
10. Be grateful, even if it doesn’t feel like you have much right now.
Gratitude is magnetic. It softens scarcity and makes space for more. The more you can honor what’s already in your life (no matter how small), the more solid you’ll feel as new blessings arrive. And remember: it could always be worse. That’s not a scare tactic, it’s perspective.
Love often, love deeply, and don’t hold back on expressing it.
11. When it comes to permanent health-related decisions, get a second opinion.
Always. Especially when it involves something irreversible. I’ve had dentists suddenly “reconsider” their treatment plans the moment I mentioned seeking a second opinion. Protect the parts of your body that don’t regenerate. Don’t let anyone, no matter how credentialed, rush you into procedures you’re uncomfortable with. You have every right to pause, ask questions, and explore your options.
12. Hot water and green tea over iced anything.
We’ve normalized drinking icy water, but warm or room-temperature liquids are much gentler on your system, especially first thing in the morning. Cold water can disrupt digestion and shock your internal organs. If you can, start incorporating more teas (especially green tea) and warm water into your daily rhythm. And while you’re at it, prioritize anti-inflammatory, anti-cancer foods. Your future self will sing your praises.
13. Kindness is not a weakness.
If empathy feels like a liability to you, ask yourself why. Often, people who view kindness as weakness were never on the receiving end of it. Or they were taught that compassion is something you extract from others, not extend to them. But, make no mistake: it takes strength to be vulnerable. It takes courage to stay soft in a world that rewards hardness. Kindness is a superpower when paired with boundaries.
14. Invest in experiences, especially travel.
Go somewhere unfamiliar. Somewhere that stretches your worldview. I’ve solo traveled to over 10 countries, and each one shifted my perspective in ways that no material item ever could. Even when I went alone (especially when I went alone), it felt expansive. Learn how people live, love, and celebrate outside of your own cultural bubble. The world is vast, and it’s worth exploring.
Final Reflection
These aren’t rules, they’re reminders. Practical, sometimes personal truths that help me move with more intention, clarity, confidence, and peace. If even one of these hacks speaks to you, I hope you give it a go and if it serves you well, pay it forward. Life gets a little easier when you take care of the small things that carry the most impact.
Lence in Layers 