We’ve all done it: shrugged our shoulders, sighed, and started a sentence with the infamous: “Well, at least he…”

At least he works.
At least he says sorry, eventually.
At least he doesn’t cheat.

But, let’s pause here, because every time you start justifying someone’s bare-minimum behavior with “at least,” you’re not defending love. You’re defending lowered standards. You’re not praising a partner. You’re padding mediocrity.

Exhibit A: Nelly and Ashanti

Take the viral moment between Nelly and Ashanti who are expecting their first child together. When asked about fatherhood, Nelly proudly admitted he wouldn’t be changing diapers, but would “give her the world” financially.

And people actually clapped.

But let’s be clear: Throwing money at a family isn’t the same as showing up for one. That might’ve passed as impressive in 2003, but today, we know better. Money can buy diapers, but it can’t change them. It doesn’t soothe a crying baby at 3 a.m. or show your partner that they’re not in it alone. Saying, “Well, at least he provides,” is like applauding a man for babysitting his own kids. It’s not exceptional, it’s expected. Every parent deserves a supportive partner, not just a paycheck.

When They Come Back

Popular culture loves to glorify the comeback story, but not every return deserves applause. If someone exits when it matters most or treats your presence as conditional, their reappearance is less about transformation and more about accessibility.

Before you romanticize the return, pause and ask: Are they coming back because they’ve grown or because they believe you’ll still be available despite the past? Being chosen by someone only after they’ve exhausted other options is not an affirmation of your worth. It’s a reflection of their assumptions about your boundaries. There’s no honor in being someone’s safe fallback.

True value lies in the partner who recognizes your worth from the outset, who shows up fully, without prompting, hesitation, or conditions. That’s not just love, it’s respect, maturity, and emotional integrity.

You Deserve Better the First Time

We’ve all heard the saying that “they always come back.” But, maybe the real question is: why do we keep letting them? Why do we treat someone’s return as validation or an ego boost, when it’s often a reminder of what we settled for?

Next time someone tries to re-enter your life, ask yourself whether what they’re bringing is not only different, but better and aligned with what you want in a connection. If the answer is steeped in nostalgia, wanting something familiar, or a need to feel “chosen,” it’s time to reassess.

Stop Applauding the Bare Minimum

Many of us have confused survival with love. “Not cheating” doesn’t deserve a gold star. “Helping” raise your own child(ren) isn’t above-and-beyond. And “being less terrible than the last guy” doesn’t make someone a prize.

When you justify half-effort with “Well, at least he…,” you’re not being understanding, you’re being an enabler. You teach others how to treat you and when you normalize mediocrity, you perpetuate poor treatment.

A New Standard

Start replacing “Well, at least he…” with:

• “Does he show up for me in meaningful ways?”
• “Do I feel safe, seen, and supported by him?”
• “Is this love or am I just used to (or trying to escape) the struggle?”

You don’t have to earn real love by being endlessly patient, forgiving, or accommodating. You’re not difficult for wanting emotional maturity, active partnership, or mutual effort. Discernment is your superpower.

I can’t say this enough: widespread acceptance of low standards does not make them valid. What’s commonly practiced isn’t always healthy and familiarity should never be mistaken for what’s good or right. So, the next time someone circles back or you catch yourself saying, ‘Well, at least he…’

Pause.

If things still don’t change after you’ve communicated your needs and shown up with love, he’s not the one. The right partner won’t just come back.

They’ll step up, grow with you, and support you in every meaningful way.