I’m happy. Just not in the way people expect.
Not the kind that comes with a ring, a title, or a picture-perfect timeline.
I’ve said it out loud, more than once, only to be met with a half-smile and doubtful, “If you say so.”
But, this happiness isn’t performative.
It’s not polite gratitude or the kind of happiness you force because everything looks fine on paper.
It’s more quiet than that. Truer than that. It comes from choosing a life that actually fits, even if no one else understands it.
It’s a humming-melodies-to-myself-and-writing-music-until-2am-on-a-random-Tuesday kind of happy.
Laughing-in-my-car-with-a-Taro-mochi-donut-and-matcha-boba-tea kind of happy.
Dancing-around-my-place-to-Petey-Pablo-Freak-A-Leek-when-no-one’s-watching kind of happy.
Watching-the-sunset-over-the-Ambassador-bridge-into-Canada-from-a-high-rise kind of happy.
And the kicker?
None of the reasons society says I should be happy really apply here.
I don’t wake up next to a partner every morning.
I don’t have kids.
I don’t have a mortgage.
I don’t have a million friends.
And yet, here I am.
At peace. Joyful. Full.
Happiness Doesn’t Follow a Script
We live in a world that still clings to a narrow script. Find a partner. Get married. Buy a house. Have kids. Smile for the holiday card. Rinse and Repeat.
And if you haven’t done those things, or don’t want them, or are still figuring it out, people look at you like you must be either lost or lacking. As if your happiness is just a placeholder until the ‘real’ joy kicks in. As if your life is an empty stage, waiting for a wedding, a baby shower, or a mortgage to prove it has value.
But that’s not how happiness works.
There’s No Universal Blueprint for Happiness
Somewhere along the way, we were sold the lie that happiness has a formula: career, partner, house, kids, check the boxes, and joy will follow. But, joy doesn’t care about society’s script. It never has.
Happiness is deeply personal. It’s shaped by your story: your losses, your wins, your weird little obsessions, your quiet hopes, and the things no one else sees. No one else could possibly map it for you.
Maybe your joy lives in the quiet moments when your phone is on airplane mode, the light is soft, and you’re curled up with a book that breaks your heart open in the best way.
Maybe it looks like solo plane tickets, the thrill of starting something from scratch, or walking your dog in total stillness while the world rushes by.
Maybe it’s laughter with people who get you. Or being alone and not feeling lonely. Or building a life that no one claps for, but that feels like the most perfect of perfect peace.
That kind of happiness doesn’t need to be posted. It doesn’t need to be justified. And it definitely doesn’t need to follow anyone else’s script. It only needs to feel right to you.
Conformity Isn’t Your Calling
You were born with your own rhythm, gifts, instincts, and way of seeing the world.
That’s not by accident. It’s your assignment.
Why trade that in to become a version of yourself that fits someone else’s expectations?
The world doesn’t evolve through imitation. It moves forward from daring to think and move differently.
Imagine if no one ever looked up at the stars and wondered why they shine.
Imagine if no one thought to connect the world through the world wide web.
Imagine if Michael Jackson never trusted his gut and moonwalked across that stage for the first time.
Progress depends on people who follow their curiosity, creativity, and truth. Your originality isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a gift to be expressed. And if it’s not hurting anyone, it’s not something to apologize for.
Keep building, questioning, and creating. It’s how we grow, individually and collectively.
The goal isn’t to conform, but to become more of who you are at your core.
Let Them Judge: They Don’t Get to Live It
You don’t owe your joy to anyone. And you certainly don’t need to cash it in to make anyone feel more comfortable. The tricky part is sitting with yourself long enough to understand what makes you happy in the first place and what sacrificing it actually looks like.
For example, it might look like not rushing to get married just because everyone else did after college. Or choosing not to have kids until you find a partner who’s ready to show up fully, not just in name, but in effort. It might look like walking away from a job that impresses everyone at dinner parties, but drains you dry every single day.
The people who question your choices weren’t there on the nights you broke down quietly, holding yourself together because no one else knew you were falling apart.
- They didn’t hear the thoughts you had to fight just to make it through the day.
- They don’t know what it took to leave what looked good, but felt wrong.
- They didn’t feel the ache of starting over again and again.
- They can’t magically align with you to feel the quiet, steady joy that comes from choosing yourself.
So no, as an adult, they don’t get to decide what your happiness should look like.
Final Thought: Unapologetic Joy
Joy that doesn’t check boxes is one of the most radical things you can claim. But that doesn’t mean joy that does check them is any less real.
If what lights you up aligns with tradition (i.e., marriage, children, a structured path, etc.) that’s incredibly beautiful, too. This isn’t an indictment of the familiar. It’s a reminder that joy, in any form, is sacred when it’s yours.
The point isn’t to rebel for the sake of rebelling. Nor is it to conform for its own sake either. The point is to be honest about what fills you up, even if it looks different from what others expect.
And yes, in some cultures and families, that honesty comes with resistance. But, even there, you can carve out small pockets of joy: a quiet morning; a boundary held; a truth whispered to yourself and finally believed.
So, whether you’re single, partnered, divorced, child-free, child-full, or none of the above, just remember: your life isn’t waiting to begin. It’s happening now.
And if you’ve found a way to smile, genuinely, freely, without the world’s stamp of approval?
You’re winning~
Lence in Layers 