Think Piece – Page 4 – Lence in Layers

I Would Never Be Caught Dead Fighting Over a Man — Here’s Why

Let me make something very clear:I will never fight another woman — or anyone, for that matter — over a man. Not in public. Not in private. Not emotionally, not verbally, and certainly not physically. If I have to fight for him, he’s not mine.If I have to argue, compete, beg, or prove myself to…
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Weaponizing the Word “Victim”: How Abusers Twist Language to Silence the Abused

In a culture obsessed with strength, independence, and stoicism, being called a “victim” has become taboo. Somewhere along the way, the word stopped meaning “someone who was harmed” and started being twisted into an insult — a character flaw, a weakness, or even a manipulation tactic. But, who benefits from that redefinition? Often, it’s the…
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I’m Not Your Ex: New Love Deserves a Clean Vessel

One of the most common, but overlooked reasons new relationships fall apart is: someone is being treated like the person who came before them. It’s a quiet, but powerful dynamic that happens when people carry unhealed pain into something new. Instead of starting fresh, they start guarded. Instead of seeing the person in front of…
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The Power of a Reframe: Seeing Value Even When It’s Not Reflected Back

Not every “no” is a reflection of your worth — sometimes it’s just a mismatch, a moment of misalignment, or a missed opportunity on someone else’s part. Still, it’s easy to internalize rejection or silence. When we don’t get the job, the callback, the compliment, or the invitation, our minds can spiral. But the truth…
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There’s No Such Thing as a Homewrecker: Why Blame Actually Belongs to the One Who Betrayed You

We’ve all heard the term “homewrecker” — usually hurled at a third party in the aftermath of an affair, almost always aimed at a woman. It’s a loaded label, drenched in judgment, often used to shield the person who actually made the commitment: your partner. But here’s the truth we need to start saying louder…
Read more: There’s No Such Thing as a Homewrecker: Why Blame Actually Belongs to the One Who Betrayed You
From Scroll to Soul Tie: How We Create People in Our Heads

We don’t talk enough about what it means to fall for someone’s online presence. The curated posts, the charming captions, the thoughtful takes on relationships—it can all create a version of someone that feels real, even when it’s only a fraction of the full picture. And when you start projecting who someone must be based…
Read more: From Scroll to Soul Tie: How We Create People in Our Heads
The Power of Self-Respect After a Breakup: Why Silence Says Everything

There’s a moment after a breakup when you feel tempted to prove something…to show them what they lost, how unbothered you are, or how quickly you’ve leveled up. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to perform your healing. Not on Instagram. Not in group chats. And definitely not for your ex. Let’s be clear:…
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Picking Up Those Long Wooden Spoons: Why Black Men and Women Need Each Other to Thrive

There’s a well-known parable, often told in African and interfaith traditions, that speaks volumes about human nature, abundance, and how we show up for each other when the solution requires collective care. In the story, people are seated around a large circular table, and in the center sits a lavish feast. Everything anyone could want…
Read more: Picking Up Those Long Wooden Spoons: Why Black Men and Women Need Each Other to Thrive
Recognizing Abuse: The Warning Signs You Should Never Ignore

Abuse doesn’t always begin with bruises or shouting matches. Sometimes, it starts with silence. With a subtle power imbalance. With a slow erosion of your boundaries disguised as love or concern. Abuse can be emotional, physical, verbal, financial, and psychological. It doesn’t always look like what we’ve been taught to expect — which is why…
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What ‘You’re Not My Usual Type’ Really Means — And Why You Should Listen

I recently watched a podcast interview with a married couple. The wife was holding their newborn baby. As she cradled their child, the husband sat beside her and began describing, in painful detail, how his ex was his ideal type and how his current wife wasn’t what he usually goes for. He talked about how…
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Black Minds Matter: Reclaiming Power Through Therapy

Here’s the deal: going to therapy is not a sign of weakness — it’s one of the boldest, strongest, most revolutionary acts of self-care and self-respect. But unfortunately, in too many spaces — especially in the Black community — seeking help is still viewed as something to be ashamed of. We’re told to “pray it…
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What Do Epidemiologists Do? A Look Inside the Profession — And My Work in It

When people hear the word epidemiologist, they either think of someone in a hazmat suit tracking a deadly virus… or they draw a blank. To be fair, infectious disease is one part of it—but that’s not the full story. Epidemiology is so much more than pandemic response. It’s about patterns. People. Prevention. It’s the science…
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A Good Person Isn’t Defined by Status or Struggle

We live in a world where image is everything. Social media has convinced many that money, influence, a career title, or public admiration equate to goodness or at the very least, desirability. But let’s be honest: there are plenty of people who are loved in public and still move selfishly, manipulatively, and carelessly behind closed…
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Healing Through Reflection: How Journaling After a Breakup Helped Me See My Patterns

Breakups can feel like a tidal wave — one moment you’re afloat, the next you’re gasping for air and understanding. When my last long-term relationship ended, I realized I didn’t just want to move on — I wanted to move forward with intention. So, I started journaling. Through daily writing (and a lot of honesty),…
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Why “I Want You to Have My Baby” Isn’t the Compliment Some Women Think It Is

There’s a moment some women know too well:He looks at you, smiles, and says, “You’d be the perfect mother of my kids.”“I want you to have my baby.” And your heart flutters. You feel chosen. Special. Like somehow, he’s seeing a future with you. Pause. Because what he just said isn’t necessarily the compliment you’ve…
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A Love Letter to Black American Women: You Are Not a Pack Mule

To my fellow beautiful, brilliant, Black American sisters — this is your reminder: You do not have to settle. Not in love.Not in labor.Not in life. For generations, Black women have been called upon to carry the emotional weight of families, communities, and entire movements — often without acknowledgment, rest, or the tenderness we deserve.…
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A Good Person Isn’t Always Your Person: Knowing the Difference in Relationships

In love, it’s easy to confuse finding someone “good” with finding someone “right.”After all, if they’re kind, responsible, and even affectionate, shouldn’t that be enough? Not necessarily. A good person isn’t always your person — and understanding the difference can save you a lot of heartache, self-blame, and wasted time. Let’s talk about it. 1.…
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Simple Doesn’t Mean Easy: What It Takes to Love a Woman Today

So many men are saying the same thing: “Dating today is exhausting. Women are so demanding.”“I don’t know what they want anymore.”“It used to be simple.” But here’s the truth I want you to hear—not from a place of blame, but with clarity and love: Women aren’t more complicated. We’re more conscious.And because of that,…
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The Hinge Chronicles: Compliments with Conditions

At first glance, they sound sweet—even flattering. A man tells you you’re beautiful, says you deserve to be treated like royalty, offers the “princess treatment,” and talks about flying you out. But let’s look deeper. Because a pretty message without meaningful action is just well-worded manipulation. These messages have become normalized in online dating spaces…
Read more: The Hinge Chronicles: Compliments with Conditions
Situationships: A Soft Word for Hard Lessons

Let’s just say it plainly: situationships aren’t real—they’re just relationships lacking clarity, courage, and accountability. When two people connect, something is happening. Whether it’s romantic, physical, emotional, or some blurry mix of the three, it’s a connection. But when we avoid defining it, we’re not being chill—we’re being unclear. And unclear relationships are breeding grounds…
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Category: Think Piece