Relationships – Lence in Layers

You Can’t Be a Good Person and Racist at the Same Time

People who resist the label racist often do so not because they oppose injustice, but because it conflicts with how they see themselves. They tend to think of themselves as decent. Polite. Fair. People who love their families and treat others well in everyday life. So when racism enters the conversation, it feels like a…
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American Life: Living Under Someone Else’s Fear

Before anyone feels the urge to say, “Then go back to where you came from,” let me save you the trouble. After you. Let’s be clear. This country wasn’t discovered, and it certainly wasn’t settled through peace or consent. It was seized through violence and displacement—a history that still shapes how the disease of unease…
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If He Switches Up Out of Nowhere, Read This

One day, he is attentive and engaged. The next, his energy feels different. His tone shifts. His interest feels inconsistent. You replay conversations, wondering if you said or did something wrong. Often, you did not. When a man is uncomfortable with a woman who is secure in herself, he may reach for behaviors that make…
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Shiny Object Syndrome: The Illusion of Choice and the Cost of Always Wanting More

There’s a quiet epidemic running through modern relationships. Not a virus or a crisis of compatibility, but something far more subtle: the inability to appreciate what we already have. Shiny object syndrome (SOS) has convinced many people that there is always something better waiting just outside the frame of their current life. Someone hotter, richer,…
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Why Being an Epidemiologist Makes Dating… Complicated (In the Best Way)

There are advantages to being an epidemiologist. For instance, the ability to detect subtle patterns, identify outliers, track trends over time, and forecast outcomes with unnerving accuracy. However, those same skills become a curse the moment they’re intermixed with dating. Most women are taught to trust their feelings. Epidemiologists are trained to trust the data.…
Read more: Why Being an Epidemiologist Makes Dating… Complicated (In the Best Way)
Gold Diggers? Let’s Talk About Free Labor Diggers

Some men, still finding their financial footing, speak often of “gold diggers,” as if protecting something precious. But, beneath the surface, the fear isn’t about wealth. It’s moreso about worth. The truth is, those warnings often reveal more about self-perception than about women. It’s less a statement of caution and more a reflection of uncertainty—a…
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The Math Ain’t Mathing: Dumb Logic Some Women Use in Love

Women have all, but mastered intuition, endurance, and emotional fluency, but when it comes to love, even the most self-aware among us can lose all sense of logic. We rationalize, overgive, and “maybe he just…” our way into emotional dead ends, often mistaking struggle for loyalty and confusion for depth. So, in the spirit of…
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Dumbest Male Logic Used in Relationships (Yes, We’re Doing This)

Let’s be fair: women have their foolish moments too. We’ve got our “girl math,” our “I can change him,” and our “he’ll grow into the man I see in my head” tendencies. We’ve all been there, rationalizing chaos in the name of love. But, that roast is coming later because today we’re unpacking the mental…
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Calculated Risk: How Simple Logic Can Save You Heartache, Money, and Time

The Math of Everyday Decisions We make probability-based choices all day without realizing it. You check the weather before dressing, estimate how long it’ll take to beat traffic, or choose the shortest grocery line based on how fast each cashier moves. You’re constantly weighing likelihoods and consequences, essentially doing the math of life. However, when…
Read more: Calculated Risk: How Simple Logic Can Save You Heartache, Money, and Time
No One Can Make You Settle

Not the person who seems perfect on paper.Not the family member who guilt-trips you in the name of love.Not the job that looks stable, but drains you before noon. One of life’s hardest reckonings is realizing that settling is never something done to you. It’s something you quietly agree to…out of fear, comfort, impatience, or…
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Manchild Syndrome: How Nurture, Not Nature, Keeps Men Dependent

Adulthood is supposed to mark the point where independence and responsibility become the norm, yet not everyone makes that leap. Some men cling to adolescence well into their adult years, relying on their partners to carry the emotional, mental, and practical weight of daily life. Maybe you’ve seen it firsthand: What can look like harmless…
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If Caring Makes You a Simp, We Need More of Them

The word simp isn’t new. It dates back almost a century. It first appeared in the early 1900s as shorthand for “simpleton,” describing someone seen as foolish or naive. Over time, especially in hip-hop and online culture, the meaning shifted. By the late 20th century, simp was being used to mock men who were perceived…
Read more: If Caring Makes You a Simp, We Need More of Them
You’re Not the Black Sheep. You’re the Blueprint.

Being pegged as the “black sheep” isn’t always about mistakes or rebellion. More often, it happens because you stand out. Maybe you think outside of the box, are intelligent, creative, attractive, fearless, or nonconforming. Maybe you carry a confidence that others haven’t yet found for themselves. Instead of being celebrated for those qualities, you become…
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Guard Your Womb Like Your Life Depends On It (Because It Does)

Your womb is not just a physical organ. It’s a power source. A sacred vault. A generational gateway. Whether or not you ever have children, your womb is the seat of your intuition, creativity, and deep ancestral wisdom. Yet, too often, women are conditioned to treat it like a revolving door, allowing people in who…
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Benefit from My Mistakes: Read His Intentions in Record Time

When it comes to dating, one of the most powerful tools you have is discernment. Despite the noise, the memes, and the think pieces, a man’s intentions are rarely as complicated as they seem. If you’re paying attention, and especially if you’re looking for something serious, his actions will tell you everything you need to…
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When Ghosting Crosses the Line—And When It Sets One

I used to think ghosting was never acceptable and that no matter how uncomfortable it was, people deserved directness. But, experience has taught me that life isn’t always that clear-cut. Modern dating, especially, makes disappearing easy. One day you’re swapping playlists, the next you’re staring at blue bubbles and wondering what went wrong. Ghosting has…
Read more: When Ghosting Crosses the Line—And When It Sets One
A Sob Story Upfront? Good—He’s Telling You Everything You Need to Know

When a man shares personal misfortunes right from the start, especially without prompting, it’s usually a tactic to gain sympathy. He’s hoping you’ll feel sorry for him, drop your guard, and emotionally invest without getting to know him as a person first. This isn’t about building trust through shared experiences; it’s about creating an emotional…
Read more: A Sob Story Upfront? Good—He’s Telling You Everything You Need to Know
You Get What You Accept: The Power of Not Being a Guaranteed Option

I’m loving, kind, honest (perhaps a little too much so), and empathetic. These are qualities I pride myself on. But, all too often, people mistake these qualities for naivety or think they can manipulate me. What they fail to realize is that my superpower is knowing exactly when to remove myself. The moment I pick…
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The Calm One Doesn’t Always Win — Here’s Why

We’re often taught that the person who remains calm in an argument is the one who’s in the right. That emotional control equates to having the moral high ground. That composure is the badge of wisdom, strength, and even virtue. But, let’s talk about the flip side of that narrative. Because sometimes, the calm one…
Read more: The Calm One Doesn’t Always Win — Here’s Why
Let’s Talk About Pick-Me Behavior — And Why It’s Not Your Final Form

I already know how this sounds. Another woman talking about “Pick-Me” behavior like she’s never been there. Oh, how I’ve been there, journaled it, and even wrote songs about it. I had a full-blown Pick-Me phase, and looking back, it was less about being liked and more about being afraid that who I really was…
Read more: Let’s Talk About Pick-Me Behavior — And Why It’s Not Your Final Form

Category: Relationships