I used to think ghosting was never acceptable and that no matter how uncomfortable it was, people deserved directness. But, experience has taught me that life isn’t always that clear-cut.
Modern dating, especially, makes disappearing easy. One day you’re swapping playlists, the next you’re staring at blue bubbles and wondering what went wrong. Ghosting has become so common, it’s almost expected, but that doesn’t make it harmless. Still, not every connection warrants a long explanation or graceful exit.
Let’s explore when ghosting is a spineless dodge and when it’s the bold setting of a boundary.
When Ghosting Is Immature
1. When You’ve Built Genuine Rapport
If you’ve been dating consistently, whether for weeks or months, and the other person has shown you emotional availability and respect, ghosting is a betrayal of that mutual investment. Even if you’re no longer interested, maturity means saying so. A simple, “Hey, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t feel this is the right fit for me,” is more grown than vanishing into thin air.
2. When You’re Avoiding Discomfort
If the real reason you’re ghosting is because you “don’t want to hurt their feelings” or you’re “not good at confrontation,” newsflash: it’s not about their feelings, it’s about avoiding your own discomfort. That’s not kindness. It’s self-serving evasion. Emotional maturity means learning how to exit gracefully, even if your ego is wants an easy out.
3. When You’ve Led Them On
If you’ve made promises, flirted heavily, or initiated plans recently, ghosting sends a confusing message. And confusion is a breeding ground for emotional harm. If you’ve opened the door to connection, it’s your responsibility to close it with clarity.
When Ghosting Is Actually the Right Call
Now, for the flip side. I know it seems like there are never occasions when ghosting is appropriate, but let me assure you, there are. Sometimes, ghosting isn’t just acceptable, it’s an act of self-protection.
1. When Safety or Respect Is Off the Table
Whether it’s your emotional wellbeing, physical safety, or mental clarity, your sense of safety has to come first. If someone has been manipulative, controlling, dismissive of your boundaries, or has already ghosted or disrespected you, you don’t owe them anything—not a final message, not an explanation, not another moment of your energy. You’re not obligated to offer closure to someone who didn’t handle your presence with care. Walk away, guilt-free.
2. When You’ve Repeated Yourself and Been Ignored
If you’ve already communicated your concerns clearly, multiple times, and they continue to take advantage of your time, energy, or presence, you’re not ghosting. You’re finally accepting that the conversation was one-sided all along. Some people don’t listen until silence enters the chat.
3. When There Was No Real Relationship to Begin With
If the dynamic was unclear, undefined, or rooted in ambiguity, like a casual “situationship,” an inconsistent match, or an almost-friendship with no depth, ghosting may be the only exit ramp available. Why? Because there’s no real conversation to be had when there was no clarity to begin with. Here’s a test: if the response to a closure convo could possibly be, ‘what are you talking about?,’ ghosting, in these instances, isn’t malicious. It’s a reflection of the vague dynamic itself.
So How Do You Know the Difference?
Ask yourself:
- Would I want closure in their shoes?
- Is my silence genuinely protecting my peace?
- Have I already expressed my concerns, only to be ignored or dismissed?
- Did their actions (or lack thereof) signal that this connection was undefined, one-sided, or lacking respect?
- Am I walking away from a dynamic that consistently left me drained, dismissed, or diminished?
If the answer to most of these is yes, walking away without fanfare isn’t avoidance, it’s self-respect in the absence of mutual regard.
Final Thoughts
For the sake of clarity: ghosting should never be used as a form of punishment, manipulation, or to provoke a reaction. If you’re exiting for your own peace or protection, let that be the end of it. No games. No power plays. Just release, and move on.
Finally, never forget that access to you is a privilege. Protect it with choices that reflect who you are and where you’re headed.
Most people deserve a conversation, even if it’s brief. However, when safety, clarity, or respect were never part of the dynamic to begin with, silence may be the only closure left to give.
Lence in Layers 