I worked hard on this quiz—mainly because I know what it feels like to think you’re ready for love when you’re not. I’ve definitely been emotionally unavailable myself, even until pretty recently. It’s not always obvious at first, especially if you’re good at going through the motions: dating, showing up, saying the right things. But, deep down, emotional unavailability shows up as fear of vulnerability, inconsistency, or even pushing people away when things get too real.
Being “ready” for a relationship isn’t just about wanting one. It’s about your ability to be open, vulnerable, and consistent. It’s what psychologists call emotional availability. According to attachment theory, emotional availability is the foundation of intimacy and healthy love (Fraley & Shaver, 2000). People who are emotionally available tend to have stronger, longer-lasting partnerships, while those who aren’t often struggle with avoidant, defensive, or anxious patterns (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).
But, research aside, if you’re ghosting at the first sign of closeness, “forgetting” to text back for days, or feeling suffocated when someone asks for emotional support, you might not be as ready as you think and that’s okay. Emotional availability is something you can work on if you’re willing to be honest with yourself.
So, are you emotionally ready for a relationship or even to start dating? Take this fun, revealing, and research-backed quiz to find out.
The “Emotional Availability” Quiz
The Quiz
1. When you think about being in a relationship, your first thought is:
A. Excited about the chance to share my life with someone.
B. Curious, but a little nervous about what it takes.
C. Overwhelmed. I don’t think I have the bandwidth.
D. Dread. It always seems to end badly.
2. Why do you want to date right now?
A. To build a healthy partnership and grow with someone.
B. Because everyone else seems to be coupled up.
C. To distract myself from how lonely I’ve been.
D. I’m not sure…it just feels like something I should do.
3. How do you feel about making time and emotional space for someone?
A. I can make room without losing myself.
B. I’m worried I’ll resent giving up my routine.
C. I’ll try, but it feels like a big burden.
D. Honestly, I’d rather not have to adjust for anyone.
4. How do you feel about being vulnerable?
A. I know it’s hard, but I’m willing to practice it over time.
B. I avoid it whenever possible.
C. It feels dangerous, but maybe with the right person.
D. It makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I don’t see the point.
5. What’s your perspective on your last serious relationship?
A. I’ve reflected and know what I’d like to do differently.
B. I blame them for most of it. They messed up.
C. I’ve moved on without really thinking about it.
D. I still feel hurt and distrustful because of it.
6. How do you feel about trust?
A. It takes time, but I’m open to building it.
B. I assume most people will eventually hurt me.
C. I don’t trust anyone fully, and that feels safer.
D. I trust until someone gives me a reason not to.
7. When you think about dating, you:
A. Feel hopeful and excited to meet someone.
B. Feel obligated because it seems expected.
C. Dread the idea of the work it takes.
D. Feel guarded but willing to try.
8. How do you feel about being single?
A. I feel happy and whole on my own but open to someone joining me.
B. I feel like something is missing without a partner.
C. I feel resentful that I’m still single.
D. I feel neutral: neither good nor bad about it.
9. If someone expressed interest in you tomorrow, you’d:
A. Be ready to get to know them and see what happens.
B. Feel flattered but unsure what I want.
C. Question their motives and assume it won’t last.
D. Pull away because it feels like pressure.
10. When you imagine a relationship, you think of:
A. A team where we support and challenge each other.
B. Someone to fix what’s missing in me.
C. Something that will end in disappointment.
D. A companion who shares my life without drama.
Scoring
- A = 3 points (emotionally ready)
- B = 2 points (ambivalent)
- C = 1 point (emotionally unavailable)
- D = 2 points (cautious but workable)
Add up your total score:
Results
25–30: Ready to Date
You seem to have the mindset, emotional self-awareness, and openness to start something meaningful.
19–24: Work in Progress
You’re making progress but still have fears or old habits that might hold you back. Keep working on yourself while you dip a toe into dating.
10–18: Not Yet Ready
Your answers suggest you’re not in the best emotional place to connect right now — and that’s okay. Focus on healing and clarity before you start.
What Your Score Means
If you scored lower than you hoped, you’re not alone and you’re not doomed. Emotional availability can improve over time through intentional work, mindfulness, and healthier self-talk (Pepping et al., 2013).
Being ready for love isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up with a willingness to grow, connect, and persevere when things get hard. You deserve that kind of love and so does anyone you choose to let in.
So, what did you score? And more importantly: what are you going to do about it?
References
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.
Fraley, R. C., & Shaver, P. R. (2000). Adult romantic attachment: Theoretical developments, emerging controversies, and unanswered questions. Review of General Psychology, 4(2), 132–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.4.2.132
Pepping, C. A., O’Donovan, A., & Davis, P. J. (2013). The positive effects of mindfulness on self-esteem. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 8(5), 376–386. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2013.807353
Lence in Layers 