I know how it looks. You text me a vague invite and I don’t respond. You drop a flirty hint, and I don’t take the bait. You assume I didn’t notice, but I did…

In the early stages of dating, I move differently. Some might call it cold and distant, but I call it being intentional. I pick up on the signals. I just don’t act on anything that isn’t clear and direct.

When I say I act “deaf, dumb, and blind” in the courting phase (let’s call it “DDB”), it isn’t about being difficult or playing hard to get. It’s about allowing someone to show me, without nudging, how ready and intentional they are. These days, I’m not interested in guessing games. I’m interested in energy that’s ready, grounded, honest, and clear.

DDB Leaves No Room for Deniability or Confusion

Some people move through dating in a haze of ambiguity. They want to spark interest without committing, flirt without following through, linger for a while without making a choice. This way, if things don’t unfold the way they had hoped, they can say, “Oh, that’s not what I meant,” or “No, you misread that.”

DDB shuts all of that down.

It removes the wiggle room. It eliminates the exit ramps. It ensures that if you’re approaching me, you are doing so without the safety net of backtracking. You won’t get to say you were “just being nice” or “didn’t mean it like that.”

There will be no plausible deniability. No blurred lines. No confusion. If it’s not clear, it doesn’t land.

I let things unfold. I don’t push. I don’t pry. I don’t interpret suggestions as plans or hints as intentions. “You can come if you want.” “I’m throwing something this weekend. Hope to see you there.” “We should hang out sometime.” Yeah, no.

These aren’t invitations. They’re dangled carrots. They lack the warmth of intentionality. And I’ve come to a place in life where I only respond to what is clear, confident, and specific. Not because I think less of someone who offers a half-step, but because I know the kind of energy I bring deserves a full one.

DDB Isn’t Coldness. It’s Confidence

I don’t need to chase what’s meant for me. I don’t need to decode or initiate to feel worthy. I trust that someone who is genuinely interested in me will want to make that known. And I give them the space to do exactly that.

DDB lets me observe how someone shows up without me leading them there. It helps me see whether they’re curious about me, whether they decide make space to get to know me, whether their words come with action.

And when they do, and there is mutual interest, I match that energy. Fully, joyfully, without hesitation.

Rooted in Joy, Not Urgency

Another reason I move this way is simple: I’m happy. Truly, deeply happy with my life as it is. I’m not rushing toward a relationship out of fear, loneliness, or pressure to follow a societal timeline. Most people aren’t competing with third parties, they’re competing with my peace. And that’s not a contest anyone wins by showing up halfway.

I no longer entertain men who are still figuring out what they want by using women to pass the time. That’s not attractive. That’s someone standing in the doorway of a relationship, enjoying the view, but refusing to walk in. And while I understand everyone’s on their own journey, I’m clear about mine. I’m ready for emotional availability. For clarity. For connection built on mutual desire and shared vision.

So yes, I may seem slow to engage. But, that stillness is my sorting space. The calm is my compass.

Final Thought: I Choose Connection, Not Confusion

There is nothing passive about the way I move. It is full of intention, curiosity, and openness. But, only when it is met with the same.

DDB isn’t about withholding, it’s about welcoming only what feels aligned. It allows me to move with peace, rooted in the knowing that the right person won’t need to be convinced, chased, or decoded.

They’ll be clear. They’ll be ready. And when they knock, I’ll open the door because I’ll be certain it’s for me.