In a culture obsessed with strength, independence, and stoicism, being called a “victim” has become taboo. Somewhere along the way, the word stopped meaning “someone who was harmed” and started being twisted into an insult — a character flaw, a weakness, or even a manipulation tactic. But, who benefits from that redefinition? Often, it’s the very people causing harm.
Abusers — whether emotional, physical, or psychological — are masters of narrative control. One of their most powerful tactics isn’t a punch or a threat. It’s the rebranding of words to suit their agenda. And no word gets weaponized quite like “victim.”
From Descriptive to Derogatory
Originally, “victim” is a neutral, descriptive term. It means someone who has been wronged, harmed, or abused. But abusers often flip that definition, dripping it in contempt:
“You’re playing the victim.”
“Stop acting like a victim.”
“You always want to be the victim.”
The goal? To shame the actual victim into silence, self-doubt, and inaction. If admitting you’re a victim makes you look weak, dramatic, or manipulative, why would you ever speak up?
By turning “victim” into something shameful, abusers remove one of the few tools their targets have left — their voice.
Creating a Culture of Silence
When people internalize the idea that being a “victim” is bad, they start policing themselves. They minimize their pain. They convince themselves it wasn’t that bad. They rationalize abuse as miscommunication, stress, or “just how they are.” They try to “stay strong” and “not give the abuser the satisfaction of seeing them upset.”
And worst of all? They stop telling their stories.
This is how abuse thrives — not just in private, but in communities, families, and entire societies that stigmatize vulnerability and reward stoicism. The more people feel ashamed to identify as victims, the easier it becomes for abusers to keep abusing.
The Double Standard
Here’s what makes it even more twisted: many abusers will eventually claim victimhood themselves. When caught, they may say they were provoked, misunderstood, or attacked. They’ll cry about being the “real” victim. Why? Because once they’ve turned “victim” into a status of moral authority (for themselves), it’s a convenient shield. It buys them time, sympathy, and plausible deniability.
It’s a game of emotional sleight of hand — and survivors often pay the price.
Why Language Matters
Language is powerful. The words we use shape the way we think, and how we relate to ourselves and each other. When we allow “victim” to become a dirty word, we reinforce the very systems that allow abuse to go unchecked.
Being a victim doesn’t mean you’re weak, manipulative, or attention-seeking. It means something happened to you that shouldn’t have. That’s it. And acknowledging that — without shame — is the first step toward healing.
Final Thoughts
We must start separating the word “victim” from the shame attached to it. Instead of silencing people who speak out, we should be listening. Instead of accusing them of “playing the victim,” we should be asking: What happened to you? How can I support you?
Because the truth is, many people have been victims — of harm, of neglect, of manipulation — and that doesn’t make them lesser. It makes them human.
It’s time we stop letting abusers control the narrative. Reclaiming the word “victim” is more than semantics — it’s a radical act of truth-telling.
And truth, no matter how uncomfortable, is what finally breaks the cycle.
Resources for Survivors
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you are not alone — and help is available.
National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.)
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
www.thehotline.org — 24/7 chat support available
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
www.rainn.org — Confidential support for survivors of sexual violence
Love Is Respect (for young people in abusive relationships)
1-866-331-9474
www.loveisrespect.org — Text “LOVEIS” to 22522
StrongHearts Native Helpline (for Indigenous communities)
1-844-7NATIVE (762-8483)
www.strongheartshelpline.org
You deserve to be safe, believed, and supported. Reclaiming your voice is powerful — and healing starts with knowing you’re not alone.
Sources:
- Skoog Waller S, Forinder U. Speaking Through Silence: The Lonelification at the Core of Domestic Abuse. Violence Against Women. 2025 Mar 12:10778012251323268. doi: 10.1177/10778012251323268. Epub ahead of print. PMID: 40070244.
- Delker BC, Salton R, McLean KC. Giving Voice to Silence: Empowerment and Disempowerment in the Developmental Shift from Trauma ‘Victim’ to ‘Survivor-Advocate’. J Trauma Dissociation. 2020 Mar-Apr;21(2):242-263. doi: 10.1080/15299732.2019.1678212. Epub 2019 Oct 19. PMID: 31630664.
- Tillman S, Bryant-Davis T, Smith K, Marks A. Shattering silence: exploring barriers to disclosure for African American sexual assault survivors. Trauma Violence Abuse. 2010 Apr;11(2):59-70. doi: 10.1177/1524838010363717. PMID: 20430798.
- The Guardian. (2024, October 8). Family court judges use victim-blaming language in domestic abuse cases, finds AI project. https://www.theguardian.com/law/2024/oct/08/family-court-judges-victim-blaming-language-domestic-abuse-cases-ai-project
Lence in Layers 