To my fellow beautiful, brilliant, Black American sisters — this is your reminder:
You do not have to settle.

Not in love.
Not in labor.
Not in life.

For generations, Black women have been called upon to carry the emotional weight of families, communities, and entire movements — often without acknowledgment, rest, or the tenderness we deserve. The world has celebrated our “strength” so loudly that it sometimes forgets we are human, too — deserving of softness, support, and care.

As historian Deborah Gray White shares in Ar’n’t I a Woman?, enslaved Black women were stripped of the protections usually granted to womanhood, seen as laborers first and women second. They were expected to endure, to nurture, to survive — with little space for their own grief, rest, or dreams. This image of unbreakable strength was not a compliment; it was a condition of survival. Yet even today, many Black women still quietly carry this weight, even as we begin to remember and reclaim our right to be cared for, to be protected, and to be fully seen.

But let me be clear: you are not a mule.
You are not here to be overworked, underloved, and emotionally exploited.
You were not born to sacrifice your softness, your dreams, or your standards.

Our Labor Is Not Complimentary

Being kind, nurturing, and supportive should not be interpreted as consent to be overused. You are not a 24-hour therapist. You are not a rehab center for broken men. You are not the free on-ramp to someone else’s healing if they are unwilling to meet you with effort and integrity.

Too often, we’re praised for being “ride or die” when in truth, what’s being asked is for us to ride through dysfunction, and die a little more inside every time we’re expected to stay. But your loyalty should never be weaponized against your well-being. Love should not cost you your peace.

Raise Your Standards, Raise Your Life

Stop thinking you have to shrink your expectations to make someone comfortable. Wanting a partner who is emotionally available, financially stable, mentally healthy, and respectful is not asking too much. It’s basic compatibility.

You are not too picky.
You are not “bougie.”
You are not hard to please.

You’re just no longer willing to settle for breadcrumbs when you bring the whole damn loaf. You’re no longer entertaining men who want wife benefits at a girlfriend cost. And you certainly aren’t here to build a man from scratch while he builds his ego on your back.

You Are More Than Your Struggle

Your story does not begin with slavery. It begins with royalty, with ancestry rooted in vision, culture, and cosmic connection. You are the descendant of dreamers, healers, warriors, and queens. Our history is not limited to chains — it expands into kingdoms, into creation, into boundless potential.

You were not created to survive. You were created to thrive.

There is no medal for suffering in silence. There is no honor in staying in relationships that deplete you, jobs that erase you, or spaces that diminish your shine. You deserve joy without condition, softness without apology, and love without labor.

Stop Romanticizing Struggle

Love isn’t real because you had to cry for it.
Respect isn’t earned by suffering.
You don’t need to “go through something” to prove your worth to anyone.

You deserve ease. You deserve mutuality. You deserve pleasure and support, and not just when you’re doing the most to prove you’re deserving of it. Your value is not up for negotiation — and anyone who tries to talk you down from your standards simply isn’t worthy of you.

Don’t Let the World Define You

They will call you angry when you’re just asserting boundaries.
They will call you intimidating when you’re simply brilliant.
They will call you selfish for prioritizing yourself.

Let them talk.
You’re not here to be palatable — you’re here to be powerful.

Choose softness. Choose rest. Choose luxury — emotional, physical, spiritual. Choose wholeness. Choose a life where your joy isn’t postponed for the benefit of others. Choose you.

Because at your core, you are not just resilient — you are radiant. You are regal. You are rooted in divinity.