Let’s just say it plainly: situationships aren’t real—they’re just relationships lacking clarity, courage, and accountability. When two people connect, something is happening. Whether it’s romantic, physical, emotional, or some blurry mix of the three, it’s a connection. But when we avoid defining it, we’re not being chill—we’re being unclear. And unclear relationships are breeding grounds for disappointment, resentment, and wasted time.

The truth is, you don’t need a title on Day 1, but you do need intention. From the very beginning, both people should know: why are we connecting, and what are we open to? This doesn’t mean promising a forever future with someone you met last week. It means showing up as someone who values their time and isn’t interested in dragging another person into emotional ambiguity.

Intentionality Is Not Desperation

Asking what someone is looking for isn’t needy—it’s healthy. It’s not about rushing into exclusivity. It’s about alignment.

You don’t have to force anything, but you do need to be clear about your values and boundaries.

• Do you want something meaningful?
• Are you dating to explore compatibility for partnership?
• Or are you not in a space for emotional investment?

Say it. Own it. Invite honesty in return. Because if someone flinches at the idea of naming their intent, they’re telling you everything you need to know.

Chemistry Isn’t Compatibility

So many “situationships” drag on because people confuse chemistry with compatibility. Chemistry is great for banter, passion, and butterflies. Compatibility is about values, communication, and long-term alignment.

It’s okay to get to know someone. It’s okay if you realize down the line that it’s not the right fit. But don’t withhold clarity while you’re deciding. That’s when people get hurt—when one person thinks it’s growing into something and the other sees it as a casual experiment.

Be honest about what stage you’re in. If you’re still learning about someone, name that. But if you know it’s not going anywhere—say so and move on with grace.

Being a Placeholder Isn’t Harmless

I’ve lived this. I’ve been in a “situationship” with a man who I later learned already had a partner. They argued constantly, and instead of doing the work to fix—or leave—his relationship, he turned me into an emotional crutch. I wasn’t the other woman in the traditional sense, but I was the one he vented to, leaned on, and kept on standby while he refused to face his own emotional mess. That experience taught me to stop entertaining men who don’t make plans or move with clarity within a very short period of time.

Then there was the man who had a whole rotation. A woman he called for comfort, one for adventure, one for career-related clout, and me for daily ego boosts. One day, I receive a couple, “Hey girl, we just wanted to let you know” DMs and the rest was history. We were all accepting crumbs. And because we stayed, he saw it as consent. We weren’t being honored, just used efficiently. And I realized—if someone is collecting people to fill their gaps, they’re not capable of offering anything whole.

People are not emotional layovers. Keeping someone around because they’re comforting or convenient, while you wait for someone “better” or figure out what you truly want, is deeply unfair. Even if the other person “agrees” to it, remember: most people stay hoping it will turn into more.

Don’t confuse patience and comfort for contentment.

Being someone’s placeholder is soul-draining. And being the person who does that to someone else is, frankly, selfish. Karma is real.

If you want kindness, clarity, and love in your life—give it. Don’t run emotional games under the guise of “keeping it casual.”

We’re Grown. Let’s Date Like It

Here’s the thing: when you know what you want, you stop entertaining what you don’t.

There’s nothing wrong with slow starts. But there is something wrong with intentional ambiguity. “Seeing where it goes” is fine—if you’re both on the same page about what that means.

Stop calling it a situationship. It’s a relationship with unclear expectations. It’s two people who either won’t say what they mean, or don’t want the same thing. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is pretending otherwise.

Approach love like someone who believes they deserve it. Ask questions early. Communicate honestly. Leave gracefully if it’s not aligned. Be intentional. Be kind.

Because clarity is a form of care. And no one deserves to be loved passively.