He ghosted. He breadcrumbed. Or maybe he was physically present, but emotionally vacant. You gave patience, clarity, softness, and effort—and in return, you got confusion, inconsistency, or emotional labor with no reciprocity.
But then, weeks or months later, there he is: watching your Instagram stories, liking throwbacks, maybe following and unfollowing like a digital lighthouse blinking “I’m still here” without ever actually saying anything.
Let’s talk about why some men fumble women during the courting process (or even deep into short- and long-term relationships), only to linger in the shadows of social media long after the damage is done.
The Ego is Louder Than Love
One of the clearest reasons men drop the ball is simple: ego over connection. Courting and maintaining a relationship require vulnerability, accountability, and emotional risk—all of which can feel threatening to someone who hasn’t done the inner work.
It’s easier to retreat than to repair. To disappear than to self-reflect. To scroll in silence than to apologize.
When a woman shows up in love with clarity and intentionality, it can feel overwhelming to someone who hasn’t learned how to receive or reciprocate healthy connection. That intimidation gets twisted into criticism, resentment, or withdrawal. Not because she did too much, but because he wasn’t ready to meet her there.
Possession Without Presence
The lurking that happens afterward? It’s not random. It’s an ego maintenance strategy.
Lurking allows him to:
- Check if she still looks available
- Feel some level of proximity without vulnerability
- Avoid the risk of rejection while still getting emotional hits
He may not want to do the work of a healthy relationship, but he still wants the comfort of access. This is emotional hoarding: wanting to be thought of without showing up.
Pride is the Proxy for Power
Many men are socialized to treat romantic success as a symbol of power rather than partnership. So when a relationship doesn’t go his way, he may protect his pride rather than repair the connection.
- Instead of: “I miss you,” he offers silence.
- Instead of: “I mishandled that,” he views you as “too much.”
- Instead of: “Let’s talk about what happened,” he views watching your stories as enough.
The tragedy here is that his pride becomes more important than the possibility of reconciliation, healing, or growth.
Doing the Work Requires Tools He May Not Have
Showing up in a relationship with consistency, emotional maturity, and reciprocity requires emotional literacy—which many men were never taught. It’s not that they can’t love. It’s that many don’t know how to love well. And worse, they won’t admit it.
So instead, they:
- Minimize your needs
- Avoid accountability
- Project their unreadiness onto you
This isn’t an excuse—it’s a call to see their silence for what it is: a mirror of where they are, not a measure of your worth.
Final Thoughts: Stop Waiting for the Echo
When a man fumbles and then hovers on the sidelines of your life via social media, what he’s often really saying is: “I still want to feel close, but I don’t want to do the work.” That’s not romance. It’s control without commitment.
Don’t mistake digital breadcrumbs for interest. Don’t confuse proximity for effort. And above all: don’t dim your light trying to lure in someone who already showed you he’s more committed to his comfort than your connection.
Let him lurk. You? Keep on shining~
Lence in Layers 